A Resplendent Equilibrum
by faorism
Summary: Non-Au kakairu. Kakashi is not lost, for he has found his reason to continue in, ironically, the form of a fellow shinobi. An ongoing post of my various drabbles for this loving couple.
1. Chapter 1

_Author_: fallen-angel-of-repression  
_Series_: Naruto  
_Pairing_: Kakashi/Iruka  
_Genre_: Romance/Various

_Notes_: I will be posting my drabbles from various LJ challenges here, three at a time. I write one to two a week, so at the very least I will be posting every three weeks until... well, for awhile. I will keep this until completed (because it technically is), but if you want to keep track of when I update this, be sure to Story and/or Author Alert. Review if you love me!

_Disclaimer_: I do not own the Naruto franchise or any characters or events that align with those of the series, and do not claim to do so. I also do not claim to own any copyrighted items, any items not copyrighted but still owned by another party, any real locations I may mention, or crossed-over characters I may incorporate. I do own this story, the plot, and any original characters or locations I create.

-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-

**A Resplendent Equilibrium**

_Word Count_: 300  
_Summary_: It is with Iruka's knowing touch that the purportedly fragile glass—and possibly Kakashi's psyche—will hold.  
_Notes_: M. Non-AU, but no spoilers. One-shot. For kakairu100 (challenge: fragile glass).

-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-

Adjusting the amount of chakra in time with every one of the older man's thrusts, Iruka closed his eyes and focused on the sensation of Kakashi's reckless abandon. It was this abandon that led to their current position: Iruka's legs hooked onto the other's shoulders; Iruka's back against his bedroom window; and Iruka's hands pressing chakra into the glass so it didn't shatter when Kakashi bucked into him once again.

Iruka knew that the copy nin allowed no one else to see him as wild—as free—as he was now. It was a shame, really, because when the jounin released himself from all of his self-imposed restraints, glorious described him like no other word could. No mask. No clothes. No hitate. No facade of indifference. Nothing. But, no matter how beautiful Kakashi was at the moment, the teacher understood that something must have gone horribly wrong for Kakashi to visit. Hopefully, it was not because another name would have to be carved into the memorial stone... but Iruka could think of nothing else that would bring the elusive ex-ANBU to him.

The teacher allowed himself a wanton moan when Kakashi leaned down and bit the side of his neck. Iruka enjoyed the pain just as much as he enjoyed Kakashi throwing him up against a wall (or, in this case, window). But it was the delicate balance within Kakashi that thrilled Iruka more than a kiss, or touch, or fuck could ever do (although they were also very nice). The jaded jounin willingly embodied the rue—pain—wrath—hate—revulsion that came with living in a town like Konohagakure while still maintaining a core of hope—pleasure—love.

And Iruka loved the fact it was that him—and his eternal devotion—that kept Kakashi's resplendent equilibrium as intact as his bedroom's now chakra-infused windowpane.

-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-

**1141**_  
_

_Word Count_: 300  
_Summary_: If one could not control it, it—that crass trill of shame—would no longer be a thought, but a feeling. Then a temptation.

_Notes_: M for discussion on suicidality. Non-AU. Hugs for anyone who gets the title reference!!! For the following: kakairu100 (challenge: 4- war); 52_flavours (prompt: 44- no opportunity for glory or avarice); and 31_day (prompt: 3- It gets under your skin, life).

-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-

To say that it has not crossed his mind at least once would be a lie.

Every shinobi who has drawn blood at least once has had the sickening feeling of hopeless disgust run through them. The burden of taking a life—or at least being willing to if the battle escalated—and the horror of holding that power are overwhelming to a human psyche. It is a power no man should control, but hundreds upon hundreds upon hundreds of shinobi do just that. That power—the ability of being master to that elusive idea of _life_—delves into the very flesh of every single nin, threatening to burst the skin with its sheer intensity. But there is no true opportunity for glory or avarice from this power: only grief. Only pain.

If one could not control it, it—that crass trill of shame—would no longer be a thought, but a feeling. Then a temptation.

Then an action.

Then, finally, a... suicide.

To say that he will ever stop feeling this way would be a lie; but to say that he—Hatake Kakashi—will surrender would be the biggest lie of them all.

Because Kakashi is not lost, for he has found his reason to continue in, ironically, the form of a fellow shinobi.

So, tonight, after he stumbles into their room and falls onto the previously sleeping man on the bed, all Kakashi needs to say is, "Make the pain stop," before his lifeline—his love—his Umino Iruka—offers him a tender kiss that saves the exhausted jounin once again.

-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-

**Eternally Present**_  
_

_Word Count_: 312  
_Summary_: He had made mistakes, but there were so many possibilities for _good_ that Kakashi only trusted himself to see. (Happy birthday, Kakashi-sama!)

_Notes_: G. Non-AU. Not a spoiler if you know what happens to Sasuke before time-jump. I apologize if this is too... um, stream of conscience (blame Joyce). For the following: queershinobi100 (challenge: 2- fate); 52_flavours (prompt: 40- A joy was erstwhile, In thy voice and thy smile).

-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-

Fate had no control over him. He refused it; he hated it. He simply would not allow some mystical being(s)/forms/ideals dictating where the course of his life led him.

And yet, so much had changed in just a single year: three hundred sixty-five days: two hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes. A year... which was how long it took to begin to care deeply for each of his young comrades only to have everything shatter beneath him when he failed to keep one of his (who was just a mere _child_) safe. There was so much pain... So much disgust and anger and disappointment... So much had happened that he wanted to take comfort in believing that some higher authority had already documented each and every moment of his future.

But Hatake Kakashi did not believe in fate.

He could not force himself to let Someone—or perhaps Something—guide him without his say. He would not surrender that which always brought him to a state of utter revelry: he would not surrender his control.

Yes he had made mistakes and he probably would always feel the agony of losing Sa... of losing him. Always. Even if they managed to bring him back, even after he embraced his almost-apprentice to prove that he was truly _there_ and _alive_, Kakashi would know that he failed the boy once upon a time...

Yes. He had made mistakes, but there were so many possibilities for _good_ that Kakashi only trusted himself to see.

And what led him to this epiphany?

Well, that came in the form of a compassionate schoolteacher who stopped by one queer evening to see how Kakashi was holding up. Several conversations later, the fair-haired man knew. He was addicted to the joyous, eternally present smile on Iruka's lips, and he had the opportunity to have _good_.

And take that opportunity Kakashi did.

-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-

Review!


	2. Chapter 2

_Notes_: I will be posting my drabbles from various LJ challenges here, three at a time. I write one to two a week, so at the very least I will be posting every three weeks until... well, for awhile. I will keep this under completed (because it technically is), but if you want to keep track of when I update this, be sure to Story and/or Author Alert. Review if you love me!

This post is dedicated to onewhowatches, who is absolutely sweet and reviews so much of my kakairu.

-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-

**Something Better**_  
_

_Word Count_: 300  
_Summary_: Iruka was just looking for a fuck-buddy... but _nooooo_. Kakashi has to mess that up for him.

_Notes_: NC-17. Non-AU, but no spoilers. One-shot. For: kakairu100 (serendipity).

-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-

_I'm just looking for a fuck-buddy_, Iruka reminds himself before a scream rips from his throat as he sinks down onto his bedmate's thick cock once again. The brunet may regret being so loud later: his voice will rasp for days on end after tonight—the night the fair-haired jounin bedded him.

_Just a fuck-buddy: someone to blow some steam..._

However much he tells himself that he should, the brunet cannot silence himself. Iruka knows both he and the older man beneath him are close, and the sensation of _the_ Hatake Kakashi quivering because of _him_ drives Iruka absolutely insane with pleasure.

_A fuck-buddy: someone who will bring me to a high and leave afterwards without any hesitation..._

"Move, chuunin," the ex-ANBU growls with such innate ferociousness that the brunet shudders and does as he is told. Iruka lifts up off Kakashi once again before slamming down, repeating the process when he receives a groan of approval. The shorter man gets a stronger hold on the other's thighs before slowly gyrating his hips as he impales himself on Kakashi's length. The tip of the erect organ breezes against Iruka's prostrate, causing another scream. Kakashi grips onto the sheets at his side in desperation as Iruka moves again, taking the jounin balls-deep. Iruka sits there—still except for his harsh breathing and the brief clenching of his muscles around the base of his bedmate's cock—until Kakashi _mewls_ a soft plea for more.

_A fuck-buddy: someone who will be wondrously fuckable, yet entirely unattached._

Yet, as he moves in just the right way, causing Kakashi to come with a hiss, which then causes him to come with a moan, Iruka acknowledges that he might just have found something else.

Then a post-orgasm blush envelops Kakashi's face, and Iruka _knows_ he's found something better.

-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-

**Some Gradual Changes**

_Word Count_: 300  
_Summary_: His home was truly dynamic, growing and shifting along with him.  
_Notes_: G. Non-AU, but no spoilers. For the following: kakairu100 (challenge: 5- domesticity); 52_flavours (prompt: 10- your house is your larger body. It grows in the sun and sleeps in the stillness of the night; and it is not dreamless). .

-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-

His apartment was succinct. Everything had its place without seeming too deliberate; everything was exactly where it needed to be for maximum efficiency. To most, this level of organization made his apartment appear unbearably vapid and impersonal... two adjectives which had been used to describe the jounin time and time again. Alas, this assessment was completely off base. Perhaps he was a bit more guarded than his peers, but Kakashi was an infamously talented shinobi and in the process of defending his glorious town of Konohagakure, he had seen—_done_—so much. He needed order somewhere, and he found that within his home.

Despite his quirky dependence on organization, his apartment had seen changes over the past few months. His home was truly dynamic, growing and shifting along with him. He first noticed this with the tentative addition to his bedside: a framed picture to accompany a decade old one. It pained him to wake up to see both his failed teams, but the fact that he cared enough to feel hurt made him want to push harder—be stronger—and one day bring his beloved student back.

And then there were the other things... A stray hair band or two tossed haphazardly under his nightstand. Tons of exploding tags and chakra wire. Ramen in the cupboards. Red and black pens hidden throughout the house. Ungraded school assignments strewn across all available tabletops. An extra pillow on his bed. Several sets of the standard shinobi uniform that were not his size. A quick note stuck to his refrigerator reading: "Working late tonight in the mission room. Cook or order in—just make sure to leave me some. Yours."

Things had changed, but Kakashi, who was now preparing some daikon for tonight's salt-broiled saury (his and Iruka's favorite), knew that he loved a little disorder.

-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-

**The Prize of Konoha**_  
_

_Word Count_: 273  
_Summary_: They knew, and they understood.

_Notes_: Non-AU. Hugs for anyone who gets the title reference!!! For the following: 52_flavours (prompt: 45- stained by martyred blood). .

-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-

There was only one man who Kakashi had ever confided in, and that man was Maito Gai. No matter how their friendship might seem strained and decidedly one-sided to an outsider, they _knew_. They knew just how much he—Konoha's prized copy-nin; the ex-ANBU able to slaughter a dozen units without need for aid—depended on Gai's silly challenges, wild speeches, and flamboyant poses. They reminded Kakashi that there was lightness in the world pass the gore. And beyond that, Gai could _relate_ to him. Gai, as a jounin, had at one time or another experienced the trauma the fair-haired man went through every time he was ordered out of the village for yet another high-ranking, ANBU-level mission. Because of this, Gai could _see_ how blank Kakashi's eyes became after the greasy slickness of martyred blood stained his uniform. And, more importantly, he _cared_ that Kakashi was getting hurt. Once, Gai, as Kakashi's truest friend, actually begged to the Hokage to stop giving Kakashi an unfair amount of emotionally crippling, physically draining missions because he knew how it affected Kakashi. The request went unfilled, but the fact that Gai tried meant all the world to Kakashi.

There was only one man who Kakashi had even confided in, but _two_ men understood him. Maito Gai was the first. The second... well, for the second, Kakashi needed not explain what was troubling him, because Iruka could notice anything—a silent but shuddering sigh, or a minute slump in the older man's shoulders—and he _knew_ that Kakashi needed to be reminded sometimes all one needs to remember that the world could be light is a little bit of love.

-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-ooo0oo0o0oo0ooo-

Review!


End file.
